Jesus died when He was 33... what will I do this year?

It is Christmas. The point of Christmas? A story years in the making... since the beginning of time even. But it is another 30 some years down the road before we see what it is really about... Easter.

Related of course to my last blog and to the next one...

I realize I will not die for the sins of the world or anything nearly as amazing. But what will I do to make an impact on those around me in twenty-ten? I know I will affect somebodies life... but will I affect the culture around me?

I want to feel important, to feel vital. Yes it is a selfish thought... but I am a selfish man. We all have that desire, we all need a sense of purpose. People rally around a cause, because it gives meaning and value to their time. They would rather protest the treatment of dogs than waste thier life away on social networks.
I dont want to be a fanatic on a crusade, but I want a rally cry...
twenty-ten... what do you hold?
God, what do you have for me in the new year? Because it is You that holds time in His hand...

Passionate One?

I think I am a generally passionate person... which is good and bad. I wear my emotions on my sleeves because of it... and I throw myself into things. I get enamored, I get sucked in...

Someone asked me recently what I was passionate about. I didnt have an answer. Normally there is something that I am passionate about, even if it is a temporary passion. Right now? Nothing.

The context of the question was along the lines of the question in Office Space "if you had a million dollars what would you do?"

Sure I would really enjoy doing "nothing" but as a life goal i dont know if that would be acceptable.

I have been working on a side project at our church, remodeling/building a room. It goes beyound my general skills as far as the mud and what not. But I want to do it well. And I think for the most part the mud I have done, has been done well. There is a certain sense of accomplishment that comes with it.

I am thinking about taking off the summers, to build houses. You know, when the economy picks back up... But I would prefer to do some framing... Get some sun, feel like a man, have a sense of accomplishment.

Maybe that would help with my pre-midlife crisis.
I doubt it...

When the person asked again about my passion, a few weeks later. I had no answer. Still. I had discussed it with my wife and felt more like a failure than I had previously. Yeah...

I dont even know how to figure out what I am passionate about. I am thinking about quitting life, not like suicide or anything. But I need to do something, i suppose.

I was totally Lied to by my Faith Based Movie

To put that line in the right perspective you need to have seen Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (a decent sequel). They are falling through the depths of Sheol.... hit the bottom and stand up and proclaim their outrage at being misled by their album covers...

We watch a lot of movies... it is an escape from reality. But recently we were invited to watch a faith based movie about a man who turns his life around for wickness to righteousness. Good. But here is the problem. It doesnt always work out like it does in the movie. I realize real life seldom works out like a movie but a faith based movie (even sunday school for that matter) might lead you to believe that if you are a follow of Christ, Life is going to work out well.

Here's the thing, I enjoyed the movie. I thought it was predictable, but at the same time moving. I was misty eyed a few times...
The Bible NEVER says its all rose petals and cotton candy. In fact if we take a look at the lives of Christ and His disciples we see quite the contrary, besides Christ, several were crucified. A couple were beheaded, another stoned to death... Another stabbed with a spear.

i dont mean to be all doom and gloom. God does promise to prosper us and take care of us. But it doesnt mean all of the business we work with will be successful or that because we are successful it is because God blessed it. Check out Job for a great point f reference. God said he was a great man... So what happened? He lost everything!!!! Possesions, home, wife and kids... he was physically afflicted.

How do we fit that in? Some time sthe best movies out there are great movies not because of the happy ending, but because of the heart beak and the reality of losing. Usually we want a movie to make us feel good. But sometimes we need a movie we can relate to.

Who knows... Maybe I will come back and finish this post. I went to write the title so I wouldnt forget to write it...

When Sequels S*ck!

Ok, I am about to ramble about the short comings of some movies. Just so you dont think I think my self faultless, I did watch them. That was my decision. I could write another blog entitled, "when my decisions s*ck!" but I will save that for a different time.

I recently watched Daddy Day Camp. I know, I know... look at the above note. But here's the deal, if you cant get any of your original stars back for a second go at it. You need to go a different direction. Come On! arent there like 4 movies about the Klumps... talk about continuing where you shouldnt. But if eddie would do those, but not Daddy Day Camp, there has to be something that goes off inside your head, like, "hey maybe this isnt a great idea."

Ok so the main actor is coming back, change it up. His brother in law bought him out, he is partnering with someone else. I dont know. But we all know Cuba Gooding Jr. wasnt in the first movie. I feel the same way when Val Kilmer replaced Michael Keaton. Its not the same guy. there are a milllion different ways to explain that they way they write different story lines for comics. Go with the "Sword of Azrael" when Bruce was hurt and the other guy took over. He had different gadgets that made him different and it was a completely different guy being batman. Makes more sense to me. ANd dont get me started on George Clooney.... Day Camp couldnt even get Steve Zahn back... so they try and get someone on the nerdy side to fill that role. F+

And dont mess with the story line that you have already established. Daddy Day Care shows how the guys have evolved into a trustworthy day care. they have learned how to handle things. They had even moved into a new facility... BUT Day Camp starts at the house and they talk about how they have put money into the house to accomodate more kids... Dur... think back to the FIRST movie...

Planet of the Apes got carried away. What was the deal with Rocky 5? I mean you follow up Rocky IV with that? At least Balboa helps people forget about Tommy Gunn...

Prequels can S*ck too. Let's be honest, Episode 1... Do I really need to say anymore? Now with the following that Star Wars had/has it is had to follow up the original Trilogy. I get that. There were so many books written by who ever that laid out tons of options and story lines and what not. And that is what you ended up with? And Darth Maul gets beat by Obi Wan... whatever!

there are plenty of Sequels that cant live up to the first movie. Sometimes they are decent movies but because you have attached it to something "good" or "great" it will fall short. The Matrix... How could you ever follow that up. It was such a ground breaking film. It set off a new dimesion in film making... but was a sequel really a great idea?

My Advice? Ignore the hype. That is with any movie. sequel, prequel or otherwise... Dont get caught up in what public opinion is... they are usually wrong. I mean about GREAT movies. Entertaining movies is a different thing. I went to see GI Joe. It wasnt great, but I didnt think it was going to be anything special. I was looking to put my brain in nuetral and watch some stuff get blown up! was it worth the 7 bucks I paid? Sure... since it was time out with the wife. And that was 7 bucks for both of us... because we had a gift card. The other bit of advice, dont complain about a movie you know is going to be bad... unless you were forced to go. then complain, but do it quietly, because who ever brought you may have enjoyed it! LOL

So in other words, ignore all of my complaints about Daddy Day Camp!


I am still waiting to see the sequel to Manos and the Hands of Fate...

Where were you?

Well, I have not written anything for a while now. It is not that I have nothing to say, but life has been busy. People I know going to the Emergency Room, family activities, church and general fun...

The other day, I was playing "Corn Hole" (aka Bags, bag toss or whatever you might call it in your neck of the woods). I am a mediocre to bad player. This is not false humility, this is reality, generally speaking I am not very good. Ok at best, maybe. First, the wife decides she would like to play me, a little one on one while the kids were preoccupied. I was amazing... It was unreal. I could barely miss the hole. So she decided she didnt want to play that anymore... no prob. Well Someone asked if would team up and play the winner of the game taking place on the other boards. Sure... I give him fair warning about my inability to play well. Or should I say, I remind him about it. The last time we had played on a team, we were blown out of the water, most of the opponents points coming on my turn.

This night was different. This night I was the one carrying the team. Now, there are people who are better than I was on that night. BUT for me and the people I was playing with, I was doing amazing.

But here is the thing. I know that the next time I play it wont even be worth mentioning. It will be so bad i will have to be embarrassed for saying that I ever played well. I would like to say that I am athletic, but there are a lot of better athletes out there. I just work really hard... which is good. there are some guys who everything just comes natural to them, they excell at everything and it is easy. I just get lucky enough to have flashes of greatness. Then I think more highly of myself than I ought.

For example, I play volleyball. I am tall enough to be of use, but I cannot spike even thought i have the height and jumping ability for it. I lack the timing. But a few weeks ago I played and my serve was untouchable. I served probably 35-40 points that night. I had even spiked it a handful of times. My teams were doing well, we mix up the teams to keep it competitve and fair. I come back to play a few days later thinking that I have finally worked the kinks out of my serving/consistency issues. Negative. In three games I was lucky if I had five serves over the net and inbounds. It was miserable... back to reality.

I am not sure how I feel about that. I think I would almost prefer the consistent. Then I know what to expect. But thats life. Everything has its seasons and cycles.

Babble > Off!

sorry...

First off, I would like to apologioze for writing such whining blogs. I am sure that some of it has to do with being on my man cycle, but since when has the time of the month made it ok to be crabby and whiny?
But thank you to all 3 of you who read this anyways!

I have been reading a lot lately. I wouldnt consider myself a big reader. But as I list books I have read people like to disagree. BUT... I read in spurts. I wont read for a long time, then I will read a bunch. Right now I am in the "lots of reading" season.
Currently I am in the middle of a book called "making room for leadership." It has some great stuff in it. It is looking at the physical use of our bodies in relation to leadership (weird huh?). It is talking about the use and misuse of power and influence. But it has been a little bit of an eye opener. But I have to admit that in the frustrated mood I have been in the books, while full of great stuff have not had the impact I would desire. Because of the slant of my mind, I havent picked up the stuff I need to improve on nearly as much as using it to point out the short comings of others. F+... I fail.

Ok that isnt quite fair, I have definitely been challenged by a lot of what I have been reading, it just takes extra effort to self analyze and do some introspection with it.

In other news, I had a professor from college tell me I should write a book. In facty he has been witing several years for a book I said I was going to write. I dont know that I ever really thought that I was going to write it. I just thought it was a clever title and a clever concept... well, ok, maybe not a "clever" concept.

In the most recent discusion with said prof, I madea negative comment about my writing. Being he was my English professor he probably didnt care for that. But He also didnt want me to sell my talents short. He insisted that I probably have several books to write. idk, thats kind of weird, I never really thought of myself as an author.

When discussing it at my inlaws, my mother in law gave me some grief when I said people wouldnt buy my books. This woman is a huge support and encourager. The humorous part is sometimes her words dont quite have the clarity that the hearer needs. (the really funny part is when she says, "you know what I mean." Well, actually, I don't...) But as I think back to what she was trying to say, I think I get it.

Well, that is all for now.

gripped by ... fear, maybe?

I dont know if fear is quite the right word. But I am at a crossroads, (is that supposed to be singular or plural?) as my last blog plainly stated I need a new job. In this economy you dont quit a decent paying job, because there are plenty of qualified people who cant find work.

There is someone who wants me to come work with them. As of right now they dont have the money, but they are working on it. I just received another email asking me to consider it. I think they have a great game plan, I like the leadership style.

The job would require a GREAT deal of change. Location, being the biggest thing. We are currently close to family, but this would take us from near family to anything except near family. Which also means selling our house... I dont pay much attention to "the market" housing, stock or otherwise, but I still know things arent great. but we have had two days in a row with the stock market up.

I really kind of feel like my current Job isnt going to get me anywhere. not in a completely selfish way (like i worded it) but there is no game plan to progress, and if there is it isnt being communicated from the top down. I am not sure that it is going to get anyone anywhere, which is a big problem. I do have more job security here... at least for the time being. then again how many people who have lost their jobs in the last year have thought that?

My kids have said they dont want to move again. I feel that. I dont like moving. In my profession there are too many who move to often. I dont want to be that guy. I beleive in loyalty, sticktuitiveness and other things that really mean that I am too lazy to move on.

the guy who invited me to come and at least check out what is taking place told me this: "Don't run FROM something, run TO something."

I have been pondering that thought, i think i understand the concept... who knows. I think there is often a little of either side involved in both sides. Really I think it means dont take a job JUST to get away from another job. being the emotional little girl that I am... I could probably talk myself into nearly any job There has to be more than emotions involved in the decision...

???

I need a new job. Really. I just dont know what to do. Where to do it. or any of that stuff. and oh yeah, the economy is still in the tank and I own a house. hmmm...

Kingdom of Heaven

I love the movie Kingdom of Heaven. It's visually stimulating, the plot (of the directors cut) is enjoyable, plus I am a fan of epic movies. But right now I cant seem to escape my connection with Orlando Bloom's character when he says he has lost favor with God. For the unfamiliar, Bloom heads towards the Holy Land to erase the sins of his wife (suicide) and himself (murder). He eventually makes it to Jerusalem, through a series of trials, including the loss of his recently found father. After spending the night on Golgotha, he tell a Priest/Knight that he has fallen out of favor with God. The Hospitaller says that he had not heard that, then Balian says that God does not speak to him, not even on the hill where Christ was crucified.

I do try and live my life for God. I am not always as disciplined as I like. And of course it is easier to "look" more disciplined in the public places... but what is done is secret is still known by God.

For nearly a year now I have felt like God doesnt speak to me. But I think it is more like I am not listening closely. A year ago, my world was turned topsy turvey. In what appears a "political move" I was demoted from my position at work. I was not perfect in my actions but the measures that were taken... welll... seemed a bit misplaced. I was given a job transfer in the same company, a lateral move, but one that destroyed any bit of momentum my department might have had. The people around me were told that it was a "promotion" but I had a piece of paper that had "sentenced" me to a 90 day disciplanry probabtion. Since then my spiritual life has suffered. Sure it had its ups and downs. Plenty of people around me felt like I had really grown/matured in that time. But today I want to fight back... not raise a stink about things, but I dont want to have to be the mature one. I dont want to be responsible. But that is another blog.

I work with teens at our church but feel like a complete fraud, because... oh yeah, I dont feel like I hear from God. It is not that I dont believe what I am teaching, because I do. I just... I just dont "feel" like I am hearing from God for my teachings. I can teach out of a book and I can probably deliver the teaching well, because I do ok at public speaking... but that is not enough. Most people wont understand my dilema. In fact only a "chosen" few will.

This is not because I am better than anyone else, but experience brings understanding in this case.

I wonder if I have given up on "hearing" from God too quickly... One night of prayer in a sacred place? yeah, probably not enough.

double U tee H?

man... I just dont get it.

I dont get it. I know I said that already but that means it is still true and will likely be the case at the end of this blog.

After two months of planning an event for work, that will take all of a sunday afternoon... I mean it will last until well after dark. That is easily a 10 hours gig... and probably the largest "extracurricular" event for my place of employment. Thats not a big deal... my choice, I booked the event and have been working diligently on it.

Just moments ago, i check my email and my boss sends and email that basically says I have to attend some business meeting/luncheon that day at noon! what? Are you joking me?

It is something that could have been planned on any given day. Any given sunday even, but no, pick THE ONE DAY that we (mostly me) have something planned.

Its not like a business luncheon with out of town guests working on some kind of tight schedule... It is a rather flippant meeting that could as easily be held a week later.

A huge thing my boss doesnt get, besides communication, is planning. He thinks an event just happens by him showing up. I suppose he has employees that take care of the stuff for him so in general it's true. But I am the employee and when I have an event I have to make sure everything is taken car of... and there is a definite quality difference between the two of us. His ideas of acceptable and mine are very different. I do admit, there are times that I wonder how he has been around this long...

I know that I am the employee and he is the boss. It is hard at times, for sure. The days when I find out about double duty on a day that has been booked for months, those days are among the hardest.

Communication goes a long way... so does a glance at the calendar.

Living in a Glass House

Here is the scoop. I work in a semi-public profession where it seems as though all eyes are on me. I was never very good a politics, even though I have had plenty of moments of awe inspiring Brown Nosing. I would like to say that I have been on the fringe of life, but really I am not that hard core. I am further to the left for many but somehow further to the right than it might appear. (my physical appearance often seems a bit less conservative, but I find my self on the right side of plenty of debates...)

I keep rabbit trailing, I apologize. Ok hold off on my apology until after this: I am not really interested in politics, I just dont care. Just so you know...

I know that I said that I created this blog just to comment about a parking spot, that isnt true. I wanted a place where I could express some of my feelings honestly without worry of those I work for or with getting bent out of shape.

I am way more emotional... reactionary than I prefer to be. I wear my feelings on my sleeve far too often. If people ask me how I am, and they actually care, they will find out. Whether I use words or my body language spells it out, they will get the message. I get rather short with people and on those days I have an extremely hard time putting on a smile and doing my part to seem ok.

Of course I am not so self centered that I dont think most people have those days. But those of you who work in the public arena or especially in a public relations type role, understand what those days can be like.

Some times on those days I question my vocation... Am I really in the right field? Is working with people really what I am supposed to be doing?

And we live in such an emotion based world... do it if it feels right, we're so in love, we fell out of love, what does you gut tell you?
Sure some people have really good instincts, but not everything can be decided based on a feeling, being "at peace" with something.

I dont know... Now I am rambling.

Honesty and transparency = good

TOO MUCH honesty and transparency= Bad

??????

Why are there lines in the parking lot?

Would you believe I created this blog just to ask this question?

Well to a degree it's true. Where I work theer are certain people who have a sense of entitlement. I am sure in my own way I do, but for some reason this just gets to me. Maybe because when the newest addition to our complex was built, things seemed a little under thought. I remember the man from the design firm showing up, shortly after the new parking lot was paved and rather than park in a "spot" he decided to park nearer the door...

If the parking lot was not so foolishly designed maybe fewer people would follow suite. But any and all parking just gets further from the doors. In fact there is going to be some other construction taking place and the "main office" entrance will be on a side of the building with only TWO public (non-staff or handicapped) parking spots!

Insanity I tell you!

My boss either parks in the handicapped spots, the space inbetween the handicapped spots or under the drop off awning/firelane.
Brilliant!